When I was a child, one of my favorite things was baking and decorating sugar cookies with my mother. There was a special kind of magic infused in the preparations, the ingredients, and in the cookie itself. The trip to the store to pick out the ingredients and maybe a new cookie cutter or two was as thrilling to me as baking and eating the finished product. There was something about the gathering of supplies…the anticipation of how pretty they would look (or so I thought at the time – lol) and how good they would taste and the pride I would feel when presenting my teachers and friends with our labor of love. It was a very simple thing that gave me a tremendous amount of joy.
As an adult, I’ve managed to keep a fair amount of that child-like magic in my heart when it comes to those little pleasures. I can attribute this preservation to my mother’s great enthusiasm and how easy it was to evoke delight in her heart. And it’s not surprising that, even in the years between my own childhood and becoming a mother of two daughters myself, I often moved through the portals of time and stepped back into my own childhood skin whenever the cookie cutters and candy molds came out of my cupboards.
Of course, having my own kids sweetened the whole process by dozens of heaping spoonfuls. Seeing my own children’s excitement over a simple mixture of flour, sugar, butter and colorful icing was sweeter than any cookie I’ve ever tasted. Even the aftermath in my kitchen and the daily discovery of lingering rcolored sprinkles for weeks after was something of pure beauty to me. As much as I delighted in this activity with my mother and with my own kids, I have often taken for granted that it was much more than a simple activity. It was the creation of a connection…a special bond through the shared experience that began with gathering and combining the ingredients and then sharing the delicious result between ourselves and with others.
My kids were proud of their labor of love, just as I was as a child, mostly because it was something I did with my mom. I don’t know how aware of it I may have been at the time, but there was something about it that made me feel like I was communicating something important to others through what appeared to be a mere confection:
“My mom and I made these with you in mind and we did it together because she loves me and I love her and we hope that you will receive some of that love that has been energetically transferred into this pretty little treat.”
It was and is and always will be a beautiful thing to me. And…it is with deep sadness and a sense of loss in my heart that I acknowledge that not everyone has had that experience. I know that there are lots of people who may have experienced very few or none of these little moments encoded with BIG messages and memories of love and connection. For whatever reasons they may not have received them, none of those reasons would have anything to do with not being worthy or deserving of them. Every child…every human being deserves the joy of bonding over a simple pleasure or a simple activity that communicates a joint effort of a shared experience and shared love.
It really doesn’t take much to please a child at the deepest, most sincere level. And….somewhere along the way, most of us lose that ability to generate the most awe-inspiring and meaningful exchanges out of even the most painfully rote and ordinary of things.
We are now are living in a time when most human beings have more conveniences, choices and comforts, more and bigger material possessions, as well as forms of entertainment and distractions than ever before and yet we are experiencing an all-time high of depression, anxiety, addiction, health issues, homelessness, suicide, apathy, not to mention world-wide corruption, crisis and upheaval.
I”m not here to point out what’s wrong with the world or what most of us already see quite clearly. And I’m definitely not here to shame anyone for being blessed. What I’m getting at is this:
I don’t believe we as human beings are designed to be marinating in the land of milk and honey’s constant flow of entertainment, euphoria, excess and extravagance without reaping massive consequences. I don’t believe it serves us in the way we would like to believe. It’s not that there’s anything inherently wrong with a bit of excess or extravagance but when it becomes a way of life that brings balance to extinction, well that’s when we start having problems. That elusive balance and the art of being brutally honest with ourselves about how much is too much is vital to our survival as a human race. And the answer to that question may be different for all of us and also unique to our experiences at different times in our lives.
Excess in moderation is not often what we want but usually what we need to navigate through the chemical and hormonal roller coaster that shoots off through our brains and nervous system every time life’s shiny carrots are dangled in front of our faces.
This inner roller coaster will lay its own tracks down with enough repetition and the momentum just increases with each “ride”. It is this part of our design that can turn a harmless hobby or simple treat into an addictive drug to the human brain. Once we grow accustomed (often without even noticing it) to the regular occurrence of the Amazon packages showing up on our doorstep or the slow drip of one glass of vodka per night that turns into a gradual but large increase of glasses, we may find ourselves hiding the habit even from ourselves or unconsciously giving in to a belief that “more is more”. But the proof of just how false that belief is rests in the design of our fascinating human bodies and the chemistry that is constantly seeking a state of balance on our behalf for our survival and functionality.
I don’t know about you but I’m not seeing a healthy level of balance or functionality in most societies these days, including and ESPECIALLY my own society. Many of us are finding it extremely challenging to function in today’s society and it’s not because there’s something faulty or inadequate within us. I promise you that. It’s because we are living under a collective mindset that is severely unconscious and void of meaning. This unconsciousness has been desperately looking outward for purpose, for self-love, for comfort, guidance and approval and we’ve never, EVER found it there and we never, EVER will. Yet we keep looking in the same places.
I think many of us can see it and we understand it intellectually, but we are so disconnected from all of the things that can actually assist us in being the happiest, healthiest, most authentic versions of ourselves – our connection to our own self – our mind, body and spirit, our connection to others and our community, our connection to nature and its powerful cycles that we play a very vital role in, and our connection to a higher power, whatever that may be for you.
Just because I am aware of this pattern does not make me exempt from it. The awareness is only part of the answer. Knowing is a crucial part of the solution but it is not enough. The more we allow ourselves to first see the ways we may have been asleep, living on auto-pilot and in our own patterns of oblivion and sedation, the more opportunities we are giving ourselves to meet those behaviors or beliefs that have kept us at a distance from our truest selves with curiosity and also with radical acceptance.
We all have parts of ourselves that we prefer to remain estranged to. Parts that scare us, or make us feel inadequate and who wants to feel debilitating fear or listen to the harsh voice within who constantly pummels you with its screams that “you’ll never be enough”…when you can just eat another bag of chips, scroll through Tinder or the thousands of TV channels available to us, hit the pipe again, or effortlessly click “buy now” to have the latest and greatest lip plumper, cellulite ointment or hard-on pills sent right to your door.
There are powerful answers waiting on the other side of the powerful questions that we could be asking ourselves. Questions like “What am I actually avoiding by distracting myself with whatever my drug of choice may be? What does this emotion that I”m trying to avoid feeling want to reveal to me? Or “What part of me wants to avoid dealing with a certain situation, person or problem? What does this part of me need to feel safe, to feel seen, to feel nourished by life?” Or “Who is this part of me that wants to play small/numb out/react with anger/etc and what part of me can meet this shadow self with love and compassion instead of trying to shut it up or kill it off?”
This is just one of many tools or small shifts we can make to plant seeds in the dormant places within our shadows. When it begins to take shape as a habit, it usually doesn’t take long for new insights and personal break-throughs to be sent sprouting up through our consciousness. When nourished and aptly tested by the elements, this new growth will eventually yield fruit that will not only fuel us as individuals, but also fuel the whole of humanity.
I have yet to find a greater gift that I could give or receive than each of us learning and using skills that help us to become the highest, healthiest most authentic versions of ourselves and BEING that in the world. That is my wish for all of us now and always.
When we take care of our own soul, our own bodies, our own mental and emotional health…we are giving the greatest gift we can ever give anyone. It is all we really have to give and it is never too late to give it. But we first have to give it to ourselves.
