September 11, 2001
We had just moved and didn’t have our cable set up yet. The radio in my car didn’t work. I was 7 months pregnant with Audrey. Ray was around 18 months old and we had no idea what had happened until we walked into Toddlin’ Time in Manassas, VA for her weekly class. When the instructor told me what had happened, I was sure that she was being overly dramatic. My mind didn’t want to believe it was THAT bad.
Then it hit me…my sister-in law had a job that required her to be at the Pentagon several times per week. I called my mother-in-law and learned that it was in fact, as bad as it had been described to me…and worse. She then told me that Shari (my sister-in-law) had been at the Pentagon but was fortunately ok.
Shari had gotten held up at the post office which frustrated her because she would be late for a meeting. As she was rushing into the building from the parking lot, she saw the plane flying and thought to herself that it seemed to be flying awfully low. Then she watched it fly right into the building. She felt the heat and the impact as she stood there in shock and disbelief. She was frozen…until a few minutes later when a woman in uniform came running past her shouting “Get in your car and get out of here – We’re being attacked.” That jolted her from her paralysis and into action.
She drove for a while and was headed to her mother’s house in Falls Church but at some point she had to just pull aside and sob. I cannot imagine what that was like for her to witness.
I was grateful that she was ok and made it to her mother’s house to receive the comfort and sense of safety she needed in that moment (though how were any of us ever going to be able to feel a certain level of safety again?).
I took Ray to a little pizza joint where they had a TV so I could find out more about what was going on. The place was full of people but dead silent except for the TV. Because so many people could not get through to their loved ones to see if they were alive or not, the news channel was taking phone calls from viewers to try and help.
Mothers and fathers were desperately looking for their children, spouses with worried voices pleaded for any information possible. Friends, sisters, brothers, old classmates, business partners…they were all flooding the phone lines while we listened to their tearful cries for help.
I sat there in quiet agony, watching my toddler eat her pizza, oblivious to what was happening. I rubbed my protruding belly that would soon release another child into a world of extreme uncertainty and prayed silent prayers over humanity.
Since that day, 25 years ago, things have never been the same. I think one of the biggest takeaways for me from that time was the reminder of the power and resilience of the human spirit.
It is often through the worst of tragedies that the best of humanity comes forth and accomplishes what seems impossible. I watched communities make great sacrifices and cast aside differences, judgements, deep wounds and fears in service to the greater good and solidarity.
25 years have passed…and what have we done with that experience? We are more divided than ever and in even greater need of the kind of consciousness and caring that is more often provoked by tragedy than by the true power we all have to create a better world for all of humanity.
We spend more time blaming and projecting our fears and wounds onto others than we do trying to be of service or bring out the best in those around us.
Yes, today is a poignant time to remember the courage and love that showed up on American soil and the precious lives that were lost. It is a time to recall the beauty that rose up from the ashes of the unthinkable. And it is also a time to look back on how the hell we went from that to fighting an invisible war with each other while a few puppet masters disguised as saviors bleed us dry of our health, resources, joy, sanity and dignity.
However we may choose to honor the courageous acts and profound losses of 9-11-01, I hope it will include a pause to consider what it will take to find our way back to what has made and kept these states of America “United”.
Our past is mixed with both deep darkness and brilliant light. 9-11 reminded us what courage and love looks like in times when it’s far easier to cling to fear. So today, I am asking myself some important questions that I have to ask myself often because I can lose my focus via life’s inconsequential distractions. I want to share them in case they resonate with anyone else…(And please feel free to share some of your own personal inventory questions with me!)
What am I in service to? (What do I spend my time, money and energy on and are those choices aligned with my values?)
How strong is my commitment to my values, rather than to self-preservation and comfort?
What am I really fearing when my resistance to change or discomfort shows up?
We have some important choices to make if we are going to offer any hope at all to our future generations. I believe we already have everything it takes to create a better world for everyone. Ready or not, the sirens are wailing and lighting up the sky with a personal call to each of us.
